Rate my SAT essay? its very bad -_-?

its pretty short which you probably already know but overall its pretty good.. to make a better essay i would just look at different essays and read different topics and just write essay based on those and compare those to the example essays.. Also it is good to reference literature you have read in high school and maybe even outside school and personal experience is good as well but dont based the entire essay off personal experience because it wont have much leverage no matter how good it is written it would ultimately not do well in the eyes of the graders